Wit and Wisdom #1

Laws And Rules Of The Workplace

Those who work discover the unwritten laws of their workplaces. Some of these laws are put into print by those who have learned by experience how difficult it is to go to work each day smiling when they feel like sneering.

Here are some of the laws found in such books as Paul Dickson's THE OFFICIAL RULES and Lawrence Peter's PETER'S QUOTATIONS. It is a list that I will add to and that you are invited to add to by sending in laws you have discovered or created. Please cite your source, when possible.

--Bill Gorden, The Workplace Doctor

Abbott's Admonitions: (1) If you have to ask you're not entitled to know. (2) If you don't like the answer, your shouldn't have asked the question.

--Charles C. Abbott, former dean of the Graduate School of Business Admiinistration, University of Virginia

Acheson's Rule: A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer.

--Dean Acheson

Agnes Allen's Law: Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.

--Agnes Allen

Those whose approval you seek the most give you the least.

--Rozanne Weissman

Army Law: If it moves, salute it; if it doesn't move, pick it up; and if you can't pick it up, paint it.

--Unknown

You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think.

--Dorothy Parker

Beauregard's Law: When you're up to your nose, keep your mouth shut.

--from the film My Name is Nobody

Berra's Law: You can observe a lot just by watching.

--Yogi Berra

No matter how long or how many times you explain, no one is listening.

--Francis P. Chisholm

Clark's Law: It's always darkest just before the lights go out.

--Alex Clark

Clompton's Law: For every credibility gap there is a gullibility fill.

--Richard Clompton

A wise man can lead without power but only a powerful man can lead without wisdom.

--Mark B. Cohen

Committee Rules:
  1. Never arrive on time, or your will be stamped as a beginner.
  2. Don't say anything until the meeting is half over; this stamps you as being wise.
  3. Be as vague as possible; this prevents irritating the others.
  4. When in doubt, suggest that a subcommittee be appointed.
  5. Be the first to move for adjournment; this will make you popular---it's what everyone is waiting for.

--Harry Chapman

More to come . . .

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