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First of all let me begin by
saying that I am a little ashamed I have allowed this situation to get to the
point that it has now. Ashamed because I considered myself to be forward
thinking with excellent interpersonal skills. I can see, that I was very wrong.
The demographics are: Two women, both in our early 40's and seven men in inside sales. Being so "outnumbered" we women developed a certain camaraderie. Our backgrounds and financial status are very different.
Briefly, here is my problem. We all sit in one big office area. No cubicles or offices. This seemed strange to me at first but, over time, I see the benefits. We resolve customer issues extremely fast. There are 10 people in the front in inside sales, and the rest of administration in the back half of the room. Myself and another woman are the only women inside sales reps. The other woman is Hispanic and I am Caucasian.
Anyway, we always had lunch together and had a pleasant working relationship during the work day. Rather often, the Hispanic woman would engage in a Spanish conversation with one of the men, especially when she didn't want the rest of the room to know what she was saying. I was a little taken aback by this (my desk faces her desk 3 feet away), but never mentioned it. Big mistake on my part. I did drop a few hints, asking what was said when they laughed, with the impression that I wanted to be included in the joke too. Over time, I started asking less and less, and basically was getting hurt feelings and feeling perturbed. Still, I remained silent. Mistake.
Now, another Hispanic lady has moved on the other side of her and basically they speak Spanish all day. My silence is now deafening and they laugh, look at me and speak Spanish all around me with others all day. I'm now excluded from all conversation except the barest of business essentials. They completely ignore me and I feel totally excluded. I'm afraid to say anything because I know they don't care, yet I'm miserable. How should I handle this without looking whiny? Or am I wrong here? Maybe this shouldn't hurt my feelings at all. I can say, with 100% certainty, that I would never, ever behave the way they are, but still, that is me.
Management has no idea this is going on because they sit in the back of the room. The rest of the men in sales don't notice and they wouldn't care anyway. Besides four of the seven are Hispanic too and engage in the joking and intimate quips. The other Caucasian men sit on the other side of the room. I feel like crying several times (between calls) every day. Am I out of line here? Thank you very much.
Signed,
Alienated By Language
Dear
Alienated:
Years ago, I watched an educational film on diversity at the work place and this was one of the
examples shown. I recall the scenario was that a group of Hispanic workers would gather around at lunch time in the company's cafeteria and talk in Spanish. They would laugh and look at others sometimes. This created uneasy feelings among other non-Spanish speaking coworkers.
The solution provided in the film was for one of the Hispanic workers to let someone in the
non-Spanish group know what they're talking about (e.g., someone's baby story, or a joke they're sharing that is entirely irrelevant to the other group, etc.). By doing this, the non-Spanish speaking coworkers were feeling more at ease knowing that they were not laughed at without their knowledge.
Your story really reminds me of this situation. So my suggestion, would be for
you to talk to the woman one day and explain your feelings, with sincerity. It's most likely that the
Spanish-speaking coworkers are not talking about and laughing at you, in which case,
you would learn to not feel so strongly about it. IF your coworker happens to have some issues with
you, then this would be a good opportunity to talk it over and re-establish the friendship.
In any case, personally, I feel that your coworkers should not be speaking
Spanish at work, especially not letting you in on what's being discussed. But that is a very sensitive issue, and
you should be very careful in handling it. Otherwise, your coworker may become defensive.
Admitting cultural differences may be a good place to start. Find a day to go to lunch together, perhaps and start talking with each other.
For example - "I'm sure there might be a more appropriate way to handle this, but please understand that
I'm doing this as an American and the only way I know about handling this kind of
thing is the direct way. So, I want to tell you how I feel about . . . and please understand that
I'm very sincere about it. I really miss our friendship before and would like to..."
Good luck!
Mei Zhong
Workplace Doctors Correspondent