How To Handle Coworker With
Chip On Her Shoulder?

 I work in a school cafeteria as an aide, not the cooking part, but getting the children in and out and make sure their behavior is proper. I work for the school system. The people in the kitchen work for an outside company and unfortunately there is one person who, from day one, has walked around with a chip on her shoulder.

I have tried to always maintain a good relationship and have gone out of my way to be nice to her. I have only worked there six months, but since we see each other everyday it's becoming difficult to even want to talk to her. I have decided to just avoid her and my husband thinks I should reconsider. How to handle this is giving me a headache. Help!

Signed,

Trying To Get Along

  Dear Trying:

I am going to side with your husband on this one. You always want to do your best and set a good example for others, right? Further, you don't just do your best when it's easy - your character really shines through when you do your best in the face of adversity. Consider this woman with the chip on her shoulder an adversity and meet it head on.

Since you did not indicate that this woman was out to get you and that you can in fact do your job without much contact with her, I am going to assume that she is of a mean disposition but not out to get you or cause you harm. I also assume that being nice to her is a challenge but will not result in you being taken advantage of. From your description it seems like your jobs are not directly connected in the sense that you don't depend on each other to complete tasks. 

With those assumptions in mind, you need to put yourself on "friendly autopilot" and not let her sour disposition stop you or others in the workplace from having a good day. Continue to be nice to her with the full expectation that she will still act like a witch. Two things may happen:

• When she acts this way, you know what to expect and this predictability over time should not be a headache but rather a routine. 
• She may eventually soften up and become cordial to you.  

The bottom line is that it is easy to be nice to those who are nice in return, but I think you can do better than that! This isn't about this situation with the woman, you have to decide how you are going to treat people and what kind of person you are. We already know what sort of person she is, this situation and how you handle it will tell yourself and others what kind of person you are.

Solution: Each time you interact with her pretend the children are watching.  

WEGO knows that role models are everyday people with extraordinary character.

Dan West 

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