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Hi Doc,
I've been at my new job for about 2 months now. Lately my boss (who is the president of the company) has been really pushing me to learn quickly by yelling at me and using expletive words. This is also done in front of other co-workers and during meetings. This situation has left me embarrassed and stressed. HELP!
--Under Verbal Attack
Dear Under
Attack:
It is a coincidence that your question pertaining to verbal abuse came at the same time that Latrell Sprewell was fired for attacking P.J. Carlesimo, who was his coach and is known for verbally riding his players. Being suspended for a year by the NBA and losing a $25 million contract should be ample evidence that there is no excuse for grabbing a boss by the throat and threatening to kill him, as Sprewell reportedly did, but neither is there any excuse for a coach or boss yelling abusive words at a subordinate.
In your case, being new on the job, and since the president of the company is the verbally abusive boss, you are in an especially vulnerable position. To whom can you go to seek relief?
The answer is simply that the only place you can go is to the abusive boss. So what can you do? I suggest that you must be prepared for a candid face-to-face encounter with the boss. Even the king had to be told that the Emperor had no clothes, as the story goes. The way you express yourself is the key to whether you can help the boss understand how he or she is creating a hostile work environment.
Therefore you need to be specific about what he has yelled, when he has yelled, and where he has yelled. Choosing a private place and appropriate time to speak up is wise. However, if you can keep your cool and yet let the boss know how being yelled and sworn at makes you feel, the time may be at the moment it occurs, even if it is in the presence of co-workers. The best course may be to simply say with a smile covering your indignation, "I don't work well when I am yelled at and cussed out."
A more pro-active and tactful approach might be to request a private early job evaluation session with the president. In this session, you then can discuss the quality and quantity of your work and how the verbal abuse damages your self-worth and hurts your productivity.
It is possible that you two can have a meeting of minds and if the boss thinks you are valuable to the firm, you can then work with dignity, more as an equal who deserves respect than as a whipping boy.
Do understand that you must be tough-skinned enough to take constructive criticism and that the personal traits of some bosses are on the aggressive side. Make it clear that verbal abuse is attacking you personally and that you welcome discussion about what you can do to do your job more effectively.
There is nothing to apologize for when talking about how you feel. The workplace should be an exciting, challenging, yet pleasant place. We are the ones who need to bring more sunshine and who must weather the storms. Perhaps it might be good to say (paraphrasing the words of Aristotle) to yourself and to the boss, that to praise a man (for specific performance that deserves praise) is akin to urging a course of action.
Let me know what happens and what you decide to do.
WEGO, sometimes, takes face-to-face candid confrontation.
Bill Gorden